After struggling with the decision, I find it’s important for me
to include this chapter of the story, introducing my mother as an innocent
little girl, because until I saw her as one, my heart was often cold toward her
and I didn’t quite understand her at all. I always loved her with a hunger and
deep aching in my chest and sought after a relationship, a friendship, a
comforting mother-daughtership with her until the very end, though I was also
a bit guarded and awkward, which always proved to be empty and unfulfilling.
We all begin as pure, irreproachable little children having vast
hopes, big dreams, unbridled laughter, and intense inquisitiveness. We go about
life and our feelings are hurt, others let us down, we fail, we succeed, we
win, we lose, and every last one of those moments, those scars, whether
treasure or trash, wind up displayed on our faces as we live and age, like a
billboard for all to see, to cherish or to reject.
Expectation and sorrow walk hand-in-hand—you can’t have one
without the other. And they shape us into who we become, if we let them.
Excerpt
from chapter two | tiny dancer | Everything's Hunky Dory: A Memoir
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