I haven’t written for this
blog in quite some time and I miss this outlet, the interaction, the going
inside and finding little nuggets of interest others may or may not relate to.
I questioned myself as to why I haven’t written in so long. The answer was
simple – having “special interests” is a part of identifying with Asperger’s
Syndrome. Putting this blog together and learning about having Asperger’s and
all it entails had become a special interest.
Within three months I had
purchased and read every AS book I could get my hands on, including Aspergirls and Asperger’s on the Job by Rudy Simone (my
favorites!!), Pretending to be Normal by Liane Holliday
Willey, Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison, Asperger’s and Girls and The Other Half of Asperger’s Syndrome by
Tony Atwood, Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin, Parallel Play by Tim Page and more. I couldn’t
seem to get enough of “figuring it all out”. (And now I believe the majority of
people I know are on the Autism Spectrum. . . that’s a future blog in and of
itself.)
I found so much peace in
writing and sharing what I had learned, yet at a point just couldn’t drag myself
back to my computer to enjoy that passion. Amazing how it happens so quickly (I
wonder if other Aspies feel the same). I'm like a 'player', moving on to 'the
next' at the drop of a hat. I realize I've hated myself for it.
I’m learning that what I
once thought were limitations aren’t in fact ‘limitations’, but just aspects of
me. Not the ‘me’ I’ve always wanted to be. Not the ‘me’ I have mimicked in the
past in order to fit in. Not the ‘me’ I have believed others wanted me to be.
Not the ‘me’ that feels the need to be accepted by everyone. Just ‘me’, now,
and being OK. I can socialize sometimes and sometimes not. I can socialize then
need a few days of ‘down time’ and that’s OK. I can wear a hat in bright places
and that’s OK. I can wear earplugs when places are loud and that’s OK. I can
take breaks throughout the day to clear my mind and that’s OK. I can wear my
favorite pair of jeans and Uggs everyday and that’s OK. I can not look like a
supermodel and that’s OK. I can write and enjoy my blog sometimes and sometimes
not and that is OK. There is peace in that and that’s OK.
My definition of
Asperger's for today: Cramming for no test. :0)
1 comment:
I agree. I have my ongoing interests and then I have the intermittent interests that I obsess over for a few months or years.
And the diagnosis gave me a sort of freedom I didn't have before - the freedom to be myself.
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