Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I'm OK, You're OK

I haven’t written for this blog in quite some time and I miss this outlet, the interaction, the going inside and finding little nuggets of interest others may or may not relate to. I questioned myself as to why I haven’t written in so long. The answer was simple – having “special interests” is a part of identifying with Asperger’s Syndrome. Putting this blog together and learning about having Asperger’s and all it entails had become a special interest.

Within three months I had purchased and read every AS book I could get my hands on, including Aspergirls and Asperger’s on the Job by Rudy Simone (my favorites!!), Pretending to be Normal by Liane Holliday Willey, Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison, Asperger’s and Girls and The Other Half of Asperger’s Syndrome by Tony Atwood, Thinking in Pictures by Temple Grandin, Parallel Play by Tim Page and more. I couldn’t seem to get enough of “figuring it all out”. (And now I believe the majority of people I know are on the Autism Spectrum. . . that’s a future blog in and of itself.)

I found so much peace in writing and sharing what I had learned, yet at a point just couldn’t drag myself back to my computer to enjoy that passion. Amazing how it happens so quickly (I wonder if other Aspies feel the same). I'm like a 'player', moving on to 'the next' at the drop of a hat. I realize I've hated myself for it.

I’m learning that what I once thought were limitations aren’t in fact ‘limitations’, but just aspects of me. Not the ‘me’ I’ve always wanted to be. Not the ‘me’ I have mimicked in the past in order to fit in. Not the ‘me’ I have believed others wanted me to be. Not the ‘me’ that feels the need to be accepted by everyone. Just ‘me’, now, and being OK. I can socialize sometimes and sometimes not. I can socialize then need a few days of ‘down time’ and that’s OK. I can wear a hat in bright places and that’s OK. I can wear earplugs when places are loud and that’s OK. I can take breaks throughout the day to clear my mind and that’s OK. I can wear my favorite pair of jeans and Uggs everyday and that’s OK. I can not look like a supermodel and that’s OK. I can write and enjoy my blog sometimes and sometimes not and that is OK. There is peace in that and that’s OK. 

My definition of Asperger's for today: Cramming for no test. :0)